Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
