my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
