Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
