office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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