My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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