You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
