Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
