Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
