I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
