He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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