I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we should paint friendship bongs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
