The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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