your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
