Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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