You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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