So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
