Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
