I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
