you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
