...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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