Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
