Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
