My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
