Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
