Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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