He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
