going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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