coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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