He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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