Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
