I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
try to milk me bitch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
