Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
