i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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