You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
