this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
