i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
