Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
