At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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