My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
