Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
