Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
