It's Friday. Sex?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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