Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
