i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
