Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
