Define "chronic" masturbator.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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