I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
