just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
