fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
