UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
