i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
