Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Farmville is her only friend.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
