Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
