we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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