Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
